


Hunting for Queen Anne's Lace

by TheRoyalPrussianArmy



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop & Tattoo Parlor, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Pining Todd, Slow Burn, dghda christmas bang 2017
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 05:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13139700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRoyalPrussianArmy/pseuds/TheRoyalPrussianArmy
Summary: *Written for the DGHDA Mini Christmas Bang*♦“All these things a customer does not do, and yet here I am, buying a flower, which is a thing a customer definitely does, is it not?” Dirk asked Todd as he got out three singles and handed them over. “So if I do all these things a customer doesn’t do, but I’m being a customer and buying something, what does that make me?”  Todd thought about this as he cashed the money out, offering Dirk the change before setting it on the till again when he shook his head.“A pain in my ass.” he finally answered.Dirk only looked pleased.♦Dirk is the last thing Todd expected to find in a flower shop, but he might just be the thing Todd needed the most.





	Hunting for Queen Anne's Lace

**Author's Note:**

> The loveliest cover art done by Liztalkstrash can be found here: https://liztalkstrash.tumblr.com/post/168938486995/hunting-for-queen-annes-lace-by  
> Please go love on it!!!
> 
> All the love to Tuna for being my beta!!! Excellent betaing, seriously, you pointed out things I didn't realize and made this fic so much better ♥
> 
> I've got half of chapter two written down and the plot of chapter three so I'm hoping to have it all down by February at the latest. Many thanks to Hellz and Red for getting the Bang put together, and thanks to everyone who participated!
> 
> This... Got out of hand. Each chapter is set to be 10k words, at least. And the mini bang was supposed to be 1k.... _oops._
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy, and Mango Shitscram!!

Todd hissed as one of the roses he was maneuvering into place pricked his finger. He pulled his hand back, sticking the finger into his mouth and glaring at the small bouquet. He hated roses with the same burning passion the man who had commissioned it apparently had for his boyfriend. “Fuck you,” Todd said under his breath to the roses. He swore they were laughing at him as they shivered in the breeze Farah created by opening the door. She took one look at him, eyes narrowed with his finger in his mouth, and sighed.

 

“Did you prick yourself again?” She asked him, trying to hide her amusement. Todd's fingers were constantly covered in Band-Aids from the thorns of various flowers. 

 

Todd didn't dignify her with an answer, choosing instead to walk over to the drawer where he kept the first aid kit jammed full of Band-Aids, specifically for moments like this. Farah laughed a bit as she walked into the office, leaving the door open. 

 

“So that shop next door was finally bought. I'm sure you haven't noticed.” She called out. 

 

Todd grunted in displeasure- he hadn't, but there was no need for her to rub in how unobservant he could be. Coming to the flower shop really wasn't his idea of a good time, so the majority of the walk from his apartment to the shop was spent with grunge music blasting in his headphones and his gaze fixed firmly on the sidewalk in front of him, pretending until he reached the doors that he was going anywhere but here. 

 

“They’re making it into some fancy tattoo parlor, apparently,” Farah continued. “Amanda was telling me about it over lunch. I guess Martin wound up buying it after all, and she knows the guy who’s going to be doing the majority of the tattoos. Said she's going to be doing the books in the store.” Todd froze from putting the Band-Aid onto his finger, looking towards the glass wall of the office and making eye contact with Farah.

 

His sister was a touchy subject, despite her dating Farah. For years Todd had lied to his parents about having a disease that ran in the family, only for her to actually develop it at the end of high school. He could still remember the call she'd made to him, begging for help on how to manage it. Todd had been at a loss, barely making it through college at the time. He had ended up moving Amanda closer to him to keep a better eye on her, and to try taking care of her himself under the guise of having gotten better. He'd picked up the job at the flower shop under Farah's supervision to make ends meet. He and Farah had gotten along fairly well and bonded quite quickly, actually dating for a few weeks before he introduced her to Amanda. The moment they'd met Amanda had been enamored and Farah had been awkward in a way that she'd never been with Todd. They'd agreed upon an amicable breakup, complete with alcohol and several sappy movies, when Todd had gotten absolutely plastered and admitted to Farah he'd never had the disease. She persuaded him to tell Amanda by way of threatening to break his fingers. He had, and Amanda had yet to forgive him even though it was now two years after.

 

“Amanda’s going to be working next door?” he repeated, voice higher pitched than normal. Farah, bless her, didn't mention it.

 

“Yeah. She said to tell you, preemptively, that you're not welcome next door under any circumstances short of murder or immediate death.” Farah informed him. Todd dropped his head but nodded.

 

“Understandable,” he murmured. “And you didn't tell her about the…?” Todd trailed off, looking up at Farah nervously as she walked out of the office to put her apron on. 

 

She leveled an exasperated glare at him, though at least she no longer looked offended when he asked the question. “Of course not.” She told him. 

 

Not long after Amanda had told him to essentially fuck off, Todd may or may not have suffered a series of high-stress injuries that may or may not have been the result of Farah's quietly-suggested, less-than-legal street fights. On one hand, it had been a good learning experience; he’d gotten his ass handed to him on a bloody platter until he had learned to fight back. On the other hand, it had been a bad card dealt to him, as after a series of head injuries, one taser shock, and a short coma, he had actually wound up developing the family disease. Farah hadn't forgiven herself for inadvertently causing it, and Todd had only half-heartedly tried to ease her conscience while making her promise to never tell Amanda what had happened. His sister would either care, or say he deserved it, but she’d definitely blame Todd for Farah blaming herself. Their relationship was strained enough.

 

“I know, I know you wouldn't. But I still- It's just- I have to ask, like you have to have a gun on you at all times.” Todd apologized with a shrug, motioning towards the slight bulk at Farah's side. She narrowed her eyes at him, but shook her head.

 

“Get back to that bouquet,” She said instead. “It's due in half an hour.”  The subject of his sister, his disease, and the store next door, was dropped.

 

Todd breathed a quiet sigh of relief and returned to the roses.

 

\----

 

He completely forgot about the tattoo parlor going up next door for a good few weeks. Between a sudden influx of weddings (curse the end of summer), and steadfastly ignoring the fact that Amanda would be _right_ _next door_ (but if he so much as glanced at the shop, at _her_ , she would kick his ass six ways from Sunday), he had successfully distracted himself and pretended that nothing abnormal was going on. 

 

With his headphones in, an unnecessary-but-cool scarf pulled up to his nose, and a glare to dissuade people from speaking to him, he managed to act like the tattoo parlor didn't exist. He heard word about it from people that came into the shop, but he kept clear of any and all gossip about it. Farah had even agreed to let him work in the back room most of the time, filling out orders and bringing them up front or getting them ready for delivery. The only time he  _ had  _ to be up on the register was when she went to lunch with Amanda. Todd was a bit annoyed with that, but seeing how happy Farah was every day when they went out… He really couldn't ask her to stop seeing his sister just because he couldn't, though he did let himself feel jealous. So on the whole, Todd was successful at ignoring the existence of the parlor. Of course, that just had to change sooner or later.

 

On a particularly slow day, Farah had departed for a late lunch with Amanda. At two in the afternoon on a Thursday, there really wasn't much to do. He'd filled out the majority of the orders earlier, and had maybe three left. He was working on one of them, putting bubblegum-pink ribbon around the vase and avoiding thorns, when the doorbell jingled as someone came in. Todd was so intent on putting this assortment together without poking himself with either scissors or roses, he didn't even hear it. He had no clue anyone had even entered the store until a British voice cut through his concentration.

 

“Hiiii!” A cheery, male voice drawled. Todd jumped and swore, pricking himself on one of the thorns. He stuck his finger into his mouth and looked up to glare at the person who had distracted him, starting in surprise at the conflicting visage the man presented. Tied around the man’s waist was what had once been a bright yellow jacket, now beat up and dulled down to a worn gold. A white button-up shirt with a few ink stains covered his chest, and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He wore jeans that were  _ technically  _ skinny, but not to the point of suffocating any of his bits, Todd couldn't help noticing. And the most surprising thing, apart from the grey tie that had black kittens with shark fins on it, was that the man's arms were covered in tattoos. Todd could even see a couple creeping up his neck. Despite the sight of them, though, the man looked… Young. Almost innocent. 

 

“Hello? Are you okay? You don’t have an allergy to roses or their thorns, are you? Stupid, stupid Dirk! Always distracting allergic people  from what they're doing! Do you have an EpiPen? Do I need to call anyone? Can you hear-?”

 

“No, no! No. I'm fine. You just- you surprised me, is all. I'm fine. Not allergic to… roses. Or anything, really. You just… surprised me,” Todd stammered, and then winced when he set his hand down on one of the as-of-yet unspined roses laying on the counter. “Son of a  _ bitch _ , I hate these things!” He yelped, jumping off the stool and running into the bathroom. He had a good five punctures in his hand now, and he was actually going to have to wrap it instead of putting Band-Aids on. He heard someone approach the door, and he turned his head to see that the tattooed man had followed.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked, one hand on the door frame, looking nervous. “Oh, no, of course not, you put your hand down on- Right. Do you need anything? Tylenol, EpiPen, scotch?” Todd glared at him, but didn't turn him down.

 

“Under the counter where I was working, there's a first aid kit. Bring that to me.” he paused. “Please.”

 

The man skittered away from the door and returned a few moments later with the small box in hand.

 

“Here it is! What do you need from it? I'm halfway decent at first aid, as long as it's not for a broken bone. I mean, I've had to treat a few of those, but it makes me feel sick to see a limb look so wrong. So as long as it's not a broken bone or, say, a piece of metal sticking through your abdomen. Had to deal with that once, and an arrow- I got shot, twice! Have you ever been shot? It's not fun, the hospital is a  _ terrible  _ place. And I-”

 

“Oh my God, shut up,” Todd groaned as he reached for the peroxide they kept under the sink. He hissed as it dripped into the cuts and then turned his head to glare at Tattoo-Guy. He was cute at first glance, now he was just a fucking  _ pest _ . “Look. Just. Hand me the neosporin and the bandage wrap. I can take care of it from here. You can just… wait up front for me.” he grumbled, snatching what he'd asked for when it was handed to him. The Tattoo-guy didn't leave though, just hovered as Todd tried to wrap his hand. He was trying to restart the wrap properly for the third time when it was snatched out of his hand. Todd jerked his head up angrily, intending on yelling at the guy.

 

“Look, no, don't!” Tattoo-Guy insisted, holding the bandage close to himself. “I'm not going to sit around while you struggle to wrap your hand! Just stick it out and I'll do it for you!”  Despite his words he looked a bit nervous, like he wasn't sure Todd would actually listen. Todd debated on yelling at him to give it back and doing it himself before shrugging and mentally saying 'fuck it’. If it was a bad job, he could just redo it when the guy left. In moments, though, his hand was wrapped quite expertly, a small cotton piece resting over where the punctures were. He could still move his fingers and thumb easily, and it was definitely a better job than he could have done by himself. 

 

“Thanks...” he said grudgingly, flexing his hand for a moment. Tattoo-Guy grinned brightly at him.

 

“Of course! The least I could do for causing you to stab yourself with a rose!” 

 

Todd followed the guy out of the bathroom and back to the counter as he rambled, watching as the human study in contradictions put the first aid kit  back into its proper place like he’d done it several times before. The ease with which he did it was a little creepy.

 

“Okay. Right,” Todd sighed, taking his seat back on the stool. “What did you want again?” 

 

“A chrysanthemum, originally,” the guy said cheerfully, “but I don't imagine you'll be wanting a rose with blood on it for your creation there. Bad for business, I would think. I could actually use it, however, so if I could, I'd like to buy it from you!” Todd stared at him.

 

“...do you realize how creepy that sounds?” he asked after an awkward moment of silence.

 

“Is it? I promise I won't be cloning you or anything. It's just for my job- I want to draw it. Or, something like it. I've got a hunch that we might be needing that type of thing soon.” 

 

“A hunch,” Todd repeated dubiously. Was this guy high on something?

 

“Yes. It's part of my job, I promise. I just need the rose for a quick art reference!”

 

Todd rubbed his forehead and sighed. “How about this?” he bargained. “We're not supposed to sell anything that's been damaged, and getting blood on stuff counts as damaging it. I'll sell you a chrysanthemum and throw in the rose for free.” If the counter hadn't been between them, Todd thought the guy might have given him a hug. He bounced in place and brought his hands up excitedly, shaking them. 

 

“Thank you, Todd, that would be perfect!” The guy exclaimed. Todd returned his grin with a tired scowl. 

 

“The chrysanthemums are over there, under a label. Go pick out whichever one you want. I'll ring it up for you.” Todd waved his uninjured hand towards the aisle and was quickly left alone. He glared at the assortment in front of him, knowing he had to get up and grab another rose to finish it. But if Tattoo Guy was walking around…

 

“Hey, could you bring me a red rose when you get your chrysanthemum?” he called out, craning his neck to see if he could spot the man.

 

“Absolutely! But what type of red? It looks like you've got burgundy, and mauve, and a rather bright red that looks like a friend of mine’s lipstick, and-”

 

“Any red! It doesn't matter. I just. Need. Red.” he should have gone to get it himself. Still, while he waited, Todd did manage to finish the bouquet. The rose was just the centerpiece, which he could easily slide in. 

 

He was carefully moving around a few flowers when a bright pink chrysanthemum and a deep, royal red rose were laid down in front of him. Todd blinked at the rose in surprise; it actually went very well with the arrangement. “Okay, give me a second to just slide this in, and then…” he turned back to the flowers, very carefully placing the rose into the middle of it. He fluffed the petals a bit, gently, and then grabbed the spritzer under the counter to wet them. Then he stood up and walked them into the fridge, adding the tag he’d filled out earlier on the way, before returning to the counter, where the tattooed man was looking critically at the bloodied rose. 

 

“Alright, so… One chrysanthemum. That's $3.67,” Todd said, tapping the numbers into the cash register. The man pulled out a wallet and gave Todd a five dollar bill.

 

“Thank you, Todd!” he said brightly. “Tremendous assistance!” Todd gave him an irritated and confused look before typing in the cash given. He hated to admit it, even to himself, but if anyone had been an assistant it would be this guy assisting him.

 

“Do you want a bag for either of those?” he questioned, grabbing the change.

 

“No need, I'm not going far. And you can keep the change!” Was the sunny reply. Todd raised his eyebrows at him, but shrugged.

 

“Alright, suit yourself.” he murmured, setting the change on top of the till. The guy walked out, waved at Todd, and then took a left as the door shut. Todd stared after him for a moment, feeling as though life had suddenly turned surreal, before vigorously shaking himself and looking at the list of chores he still had to do. Two more orders, due in just a couple hours, and then checking stock. He sighed. At least Farah would be back soon.

 

\----

 

Todd was working up front again the next day, going over books and stock and frowning at some numbers that weren’t quite adding up, while Farah was once again having lunch with Amanda. The tattoo shop had opened up, so his sister, who used to have only one lunch a week with Farah, was now planning on eating lunch with her every day. Amanda would text Farah to come over and they’d walk to wherever they were planning on eating. Todd was good at not looking up when they passed the store front. He was certain that if he did look at Amanda, she really would walk in and kick his ass, and then walk next door and get Martin and whoever else was there to give him a second ass-kicking. He’d probably accept it and thank her for not killing him, really. That was a bit pathetic…

 

He was drawn from his thoughts by the jingling of the doorbell. He looked up, a greeting on the tip of his tongue, when he noticed who it was. The same man from yesterday, in roughly the same outfit, only this time he had a dull blue jacket and his tie had… bowing flamingos, Todd realized as he got closer. What the hell.

 

“Good afternoon! Lovely day, isn’t it?” 

 

Todd raised his eyebrows and then frowned in disbelief at the question.“...It’s raining.” he stated, a bit slow.

 

“Indeed it is, excellent observation, but we aren’t actually  _ in _ the rain, so we can watch it without being poured on ourselves. Absolutely lovely. Rain gives us so much, you know? It really is a creator of life, as much as it can destroy it. Unfortunately, with all the acid rain that comes down now, it seems to destroy more than it creates. Acid rain is an odd term for rain, isn’t it? I mean, I understand  _ why _ it’s called acid rain, because it’s more acidic, but when you think of rain, you certainly don’t think of  _ acidic _ rain. Could you imagine if it were acidic enough to hurt people as they walked in it? We’d need acid-proof raincoats and acid-proof wellies…” 

 

The man kept on talking, not seeming to notice Todd staring at him in confusion. He was curious, but also concerned. Was this guy constantly high? Was there something off about him mentally? Or was he just… Friendly?

 

“....right. Yeah. Of course,” Todd said after a moment. “Look, no, wait, sorry- why are you in here again? Did you need something, or did you just… want to talk at me about… rain?” he shook his head, leaning back on his stool and squinting at the man.

 

“Right! Yes! The reason I came in here! Stupid Dirk, always rambling on and forgetting your reason for going places! A lily, if you’ve got one, please, Todd.” The man (Dirk?) replied. Todd blinked at him twice, and then pointed to his left.

 

“We have a lot more than one,” he deadpanned. “Pick out whichever one you like the best, and I’ll ring you up again.” 

 

Dirk chuckled and nodded. “Of course you’d have more than one, this is a florist. I suppose I should have been concerned if you’d only had one, really. Wouldn’t be much of a florist without them, can’t be a florist without flowers. Can you? If they’re fake flowers and you make them does it still count? Like origami! An origami florist! I don’t think my hands would be quite strong enough to do that. I don’t know how to make an origami flower, but if I were to be an origami florist I suppose I would need to learn, wouldn’t I?” 

 

Walking over to the lilies, Dirk continued to ramble on as though Todd were listening. As he headed away, Todd side-eyed his tattoos, frowning a little. It looked like… rainbow feathers on his arms? And a cat with a galaxy inside it? That was… weird. Not what he’d been expecting, but also somehow fitting with how Dirk had behaved in the two days they’d chatted. He shrugged and got back to the books, tuning Dirk out as he talked to the lilies, trying to pick one. 

 

Todd knew that he was bad at math but, really, something in the books was not adding up. He was so focused on figuring it out that he didn’t notice Dirk sliding around the counter and reading over his shoulder until a long, slim finger was pointing to one of the numbers. Todd jerked back into Dirk’s chest in surprise, but the taller man didn’t even seem to notice it.

 

“If you’re looking for a discrepancy, look here,” Dirk said calmly over Todd’s shoulder. “It says you were supposed to get two hundred and seventy five goldenrods for two hundred and forty five dollars, but it looks like you only got two hundred and fifty.” Todd glared back at him. Did this guy have no sense of personal space? He grumbled under his breath, but checked the books anyway, and then swore.

 

“Motherfucker, those assholes are at it again!” he groused, quickly paging through the book. “They did it on the morning glories, too. They do this every fucking year, I swear to God, but they always change up the season... I’m going to have to let Farah know she needs to keep an eye on them again.” he sighed and then glanced to the side, raising his eyebrows again when he noticed Dirk looking at him.

 

“What?” Todd asked defensively.

 

“Nothing, nothing! Just… If they do this every year, why do you keep buying their product?” Dirk questioned.

 

“They have good plants, some of the best around, really,” Todd answered honestly. “But they like to try and cheap out- charge double the price for half the flowers. Mr. Spring, the guy who owns this place, managed to strike a deal with them because of something about knowing the owner and his wife and… I don’t know, it’s a whole story, I kind of ignored it because it was long and boring. Anyway. Mr. Spring managed to strike a deal for a fairly decent price, but these assholes like to try and go back on it whenever they can. They like to try and fuck us, and then make us pay them for it.” Todd snorted, leaning away from Dirk as he cracked his knuckles. He couldn’t wait to see Farah go to town on these fuckers again.

 

Dirk hummed behind him as he stepped away, walking back around the counter. “Right. Well. My lily!” He presented the flower with a great flourish and Todd… almost smiled. He smirked, which was the next best thing, really, and rolled his eyes with a slight shake of his head.

 

“You know, you practically are a lily, right?” he said as he found the button for the flower on the register. He could feel Dirk looking at him and continued. “I mean, you’re a lily white Brit, after all. That’s going to be $2.72.” He turned as he spoke, grinning a bit. Dirk looked a mixture of offended and amused, staring at Todd.

 

“That is incredibly rude and… incredibly accurate. I can’t… How very dare you, Todd! I am a  _ customer _ ! You’re supposed to treat me with respect, I am always right!” Dirk exclaimed, but judging by the smile on his face, he was more amused than anything else. Todd almost laughed in his face at that. Instead, he gave a very pointed snort of disbelief in response.

 

“Buddy, if you’d tried that one yesterday, I  _ might _ have believed you. Customers don’t follow employees to the bathroom and bandage their hand against their wishes, and then ask for a rose with blood on its thorns. Customers don’t pick out the reddest rose we have for an anniversary bouquet. A customer does not walk around the counter and point out how someone’s trying to hustle the store.” Todd pointed out as he extended his hand, waiting for the cash. Dirk was smiling fully now.

 

“All these things a customer does  _ not _ do, and yet here I am, buying a flower, which is a thing a customer definitely  _ does _ , is it not?” Dirk asked Todd as he got out three singles and handed them over. “So if I do all these things a customer doesn’t do, but I’m being a customer and buying something, what does that make me?”  Todd thought about this as he cashed the money out, offering Dirk the change before setting it on the till again when he shook his head.

 

“A pain in my ass.” he finally answered. 

 

Dirk only looked pleased.

 

\---

 

Dirk kept coming back. Todd didn't know why, but every day, he returned looking for flowers, always asking about a different one. He often ended up surprising Todd enough that he punctured his hand with thorns, but Dirk always insisted on bandaging him up. At one point, a couple of weeks after their first meeting, Dirk had come in and startled him to the point of stabbing himself with scissors. The wound hadn't been too big, but it had bled quite a bit because of the depth. Dirk had tried to coerce him into going to the doctor, and they had ended up yelling at each other because Todd wouldn't let him. Dirk had stormed out that day without a flower after Todd had yelled at him that they weren't friends, leaving Todd feeling oddly guilty. He couldn't even remember what flower Dirk had wanted. The next day, he'd gotten out a few of the rare blooms, lacing them together. Farah was going to be ticked because of the loss in profit, but Todd didn’t care. She could take it out of his pay. He was eyeing the plant in the fridge when Dirk had walked in, looking apprehensive. Todd had quickly gotten up and retrieved the piece before walking over to meet him.

 

“I… Look, I said some pretty nasty things yesterday and… I shouldn't have,” he’d said awkwardly before Dirk could speak. “So, I'm sorry. And I- I made this. For you, if you want. The flowers are some hoya, with some uh, sensitive plant, we call them. And the big one in the middle- it’s a bat flower. Kinda weird lookin’, huh? We don't get them in very often, but I thought… you might like them.” Todd held up the flowers, an offering that Dirk seemed hesitant to take. He’d looked cautious, standing very still, like if he didn't, Todd would start yelling again. 

 

“I… I'm sorry, Todd, I shouldn't have insisted you go to the hospital,” Dirk replied, pulling his hands nervously up to his chest. “It wasn't my place to say, and I just… I saw all the blood and I panicked. I've never been good with lots of blood, and I... See, I think of you as a… a friend, and you were hurt.” He didn't reach out for the flowers, and Todd felt uncharacteristically wrong-footed about this. “I see that you've patched yourself up, though, which is good. It's good. As long as it doesn't hurt.”

 

“Oh, no. It, uh. It hurts a bit, but... Not… I've had worse,” Todd replied. He didn't want to explain his disease to Dirk, to the man who was inarguably the closest thing he had to a friend apart from Farah. “Don't worry about it, Dirk, really. Just… Here. I made this for you.” he pushed the flowers toward Dirk again.

 

“I'm sorry, Todd,” Dirk stammered. Todd felt his heart sink. “I just... I don't… I don't know what you want from me, for this.”

 

Todd offered Dirk a small smile. “It's just… It's a gift, Dirk. I wanted to give it to you because...” He took a deep breath and then bit the bullet. “Because I’m your friend.” he said with soft insistence. Dirk slowly reached down and took the delicate bouquet, smiling at it.

 

“I… Thank you, Todd,” Dirk murmured as he stroked the bouquet tenderly. “This is possibly the nicest thing anyone’s ever gotten for me. Or, made for me, I suppose.”

 

“It’s not a problem, Dirk,” Todd replied. “That’s what friends do.”

 

\----

 

It was through sheer dumb luck that Dirk was never around for a pararibulitis attack. They mostly happened when Todd was at home, but it wasn't uncommon for them to happen at work, either. Thankfully, apart from when Farah went to lunch, he stayed in the back, so when they did happen, nine times out of ten he was hidden. The tenth time, it was generally easy enough to apologize to the customer and escape. 

 

Now that school was out, Patrick Spring's daughter, Lydia, was helping in the shop as well. This meant he had even less reason to be up front, which was nice. On the days she worked, he made sure to only go up to the counter to visit with Dirk. During these visits, Dirk never told Todd where he worked, and Todd never asked. For friends, they really didn't know much about each other. Maybe it was because he didn't want to mess up their friendship, but Todd was hesitant to ask Dirk any questions, and Dirk only ever rambled on about drawing, and the flowers and their meanings, which Todd learned he really didn't have to pay attention to. 

 

_ For a popular florist service, we sure don’t get a lot of customers coming in _ , he thought idly as he worked on another wedding bouquet. Farah had gone out for lunch with Amanda, but Lydia was in, so he was staying in the back room. Lots of weddings, but not a lot of in-person visits. Not that he minded. It was far easier on him this way. Of course, just as he thought that, he watched as a rose thorn grew ten inches and burst through his hand.

 

“No, no, god, no!” Todd stammered, jerking his hand away as he leapt off the stool. He tried to remind himself to take deep breaths. “Farah! Lydia!” he called out. The sudden spike of pain and panic had made him forget the former was out for lunch. Remembering details was difficult due to the thorns multiplying and beginning to make their way up his arms, weaving their way through muscle and bone as though they were trying to sew him to something.  _ “Farah!” _ Todd screeched as he turned to bolt for the bathroom. He felt one of the thorns pierce through his neck. He stumbled and fell to his knees, choking on something that wasn't even there. His sight started to go dark as he began to lose consciousness.

 

“Todd?!” he heard, and he weakly slapped his hand on the ground. The thorns bounced with the movement. He would have cried out if they weren't beginning to travel down his chest. “Hold on Todd, I've got you- I’ve got your pills!” He felt himself be lifted up, his head falling back as he gasped for air like a fish out of water. He clawed weakly at his throat, eyes wild and unseeing. Lydia's nervous voice was getting farther and farther away from him, and he could dimly feel tears falling down his face. A hand covered his mouth, fingers stroking his throat gently, going through the thorns that weren't there and prompting him to swallow the pills. Although he knew what they were, it still took him a moment of nodding his head like a seagull swallowing a fish to get them past the intrusion and down his throat. Todd lay on the floor, shaking and gasping for breath as the sensation of thorns piercing his skin slowly died. The outside world gradually came back to him, but he didn't move.

 

“...Yeah. Yeah, I think it was bad. It's… it's been almost ten minutes and he's still lying here. I'm so sorry, Farah, I wouldn't have called but- Yeah. Yeah, I know.” He could hear Lydia's voice above him, speaking to Farah on her phone. Her legs were curled under her, letting his head rest on her knees. “No, I don't… I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to leave him here alone, but the store… You're sure? Yeah, Dad understands. He does, but it's up to you. You're… You're the manager. Okay. Yeah, okay. I will. I can. Sorry, Farah. Thank you.” She said, hanging up her phone and sliding it into her pocket.

 

“Todd?” Lydia prompted gently. “Todd, can you hear me?”

 

“Mmm... Mmhmm…” Todd groaned in reply, keeping his eyes shut.

 

“Okay. Okay, good. I'm going to get up for just a little bit, okay? I'm going to close the store, and then we're gonna go out back, and I'm going to drop you off.”

 

“Hmm, inna dumpst’r c’se I'm trash?” Todd asked, trying to smile. Lydia sniffled and slapped his shoulder gently.

 

“You are not trash, Todd Brotzman!” She hissed at him. “You've.. You've fucked up. A lot. But you're a good man, and you try hard, and you haven't stolen anything from the store in years, so Dad even likes you. You hate yourself more than anyone else does.” 

 

“Nomore’n Amand’.” he mumbled. Lydia was quiet for a moment, rubbing the shoulder she had slapped.

 

“Maybe not. But Amanda doesn’t know what she’s missing.” Lydia moved her hand to Todd’s head, stroking his hair while he recovered. “You really have gotten better since you started working here, Todd. With or without the disease. You’re not… scary anymore.” Todd let out a snort of amusement at that, and Lydia smiled down at him. “You used to glare at everything and… Well, you still do, but you don’t look like you’re fighting the world anymore. You look like you’re fighting for it. And you treat people better. Or at least, me and Farah. And Dirk. Before, you wouldn’t have given him the time of day, and now you talk to him for like twenty minutes every time he’s in here. You’re a good big brother, Todd, even if you have fucked up.”

 

Todd finally opened his eyes and looked up at her with a smile. “When did you get so smart?” he asked, reaching up to squeeze her cheeks. “I swear, you were like, thirteen and obsessed with Backstreet Boys when we first met! What happened?” Lydia giggled and removed his hands, slowly removing herself from under him, as well.

 

“I grew up, of course! Although I don’t think anyone is over their obsession with the Backstreet Boys. Or NSYNC.” Lydia stood up and dusted herself off. “Stay there. I’ll be right back, and then we can leave.” She walked through the swinging doors into the front. For an instant, Todd thought he heard her talking to someone before the front door swung closed audibly. She came back through the door a few moments later and walked over to Todd. She knelt down to help him sit up, and then swung one of his arms over her thin shoulders. “Come on, Brotzman, let’s get you home.”

 

“We’re going to die with you driving, aren’t we?” he remarked glibly, trying to walk on his own as much as possible. Though he was shorter than average, Lydia was still smaller, younger, and more delicate physically.

 

“With that attitude, definitely,” she replied with a frightening smile.

 

“Just make sure I’ve got a barf bag on hand.”

 

\----

 

Farah told Todd not to come in the next day. He hated sitting around in his empty apartment, but knew there wasn’t much he could do. The attack yesterday had been draining, and although he’d slept quite soundly the night before, he couldn’t help but still feel spent. Like he was a bottle with a broken seal turned upside down, slowly being drained of his contents. By noon, he was still in bed, having only gotten up to relieve himself and eat some food. He had a book on the bed with him, and was lightly dozing, unable to fall completely asleep, but still resting easily. When his phone went off, it was enough of a surprise to make him jump, seeing as Farah and Lydia were the only people to ever text him.

 

He grabbed his phone with clumsy, sleepy hands that felt two sizes too big. He stared at them for a moment, remembering the way they had looked with elongated rose thorns piercing them, before shaking off the thought and looking at his phone. He had a text message from an unknown number. He grimaced. Amanda had his number and, when it suited her, liked to subscribe him to various porn magazine notifications, low testosterone trials, and several spam numbers. He must have done something to upset her without realizing for her to have sent him another one. 

 

Todd opened the text with a sigh, ready to unsubscribe and delete it, before his eyes caught the words and he stopped.

 

_ Hi Todd!! I came in yesterday but there was a little girl instead and she was closing the store. She said u weren’t feeling well and that she was taking u home??? She didn’t even look old enough to drive really but who am I to judge?!? But u weren’t here again today!? Very rude, Todd. And here I thought we had something special :p But I got ur number from Farah who is very lovely, where have u been hiding her?? And she told me I could text u and see how you were feeling!!!!! She has much better customer service than u, but I fear I have grown fond of ur grumpy little face :( When are u going to be working again?? Do I have to go without ur upset face for too much longer?? D: Farah is lovely but she’s no Todd, and she doesn’t ever prick herself on the roses and then use fifteen swear words in a row to describe the injury and then twenty seven more to describe the rose, its mother, and its extended family. U know u probably shouldn’t do that around customers, but then again, I’m not a customer am I?? NOPE. I am ur friend. Ur friend who misses u at the store. So get better soon!! So I can see u again!!  _

 

He looked at the text in confusion, having to read it three times before he realized who it had to be from.  _ Dirk.  _ It had to be. Nobody else came into the store, rambled, or was fond of his face like Dirk was. Todd smiled at the phone, flushing a little, grateful there was no one around. He was about to reply when the phone went off again, a second message from Dirk coming through.

 

_ I totally didn’t even tell u who this was u must be thinking some creepy guy got ur number from ur boss but no!!! Well I don’t think I’m creepy. I’m sure some people do but I hope you don’t because that would be mean and hurtful and u DO say those things sometimes but not since we had that fight about the hospital and oh I’m rambling again okay!!!! Anyway!!!! It’s me!! Dirk!! Dirk Gently!! I talk to u every day in the florist shop when I get a flower and sometimes u let me have ur bloody ones when u hurt urself ;^; So just in case u think it’s some creepy guy texting u nope!! Just me!!! Get well soon Todd!! _

 

Todd laughed at the phone and turned it off for a moment, closing his eyes and putting a hand over his face.  _ Dirk. Dirk Gently _ . Dirk Gently who, apparently, couldn’t wait for him to get back to the store. Todd couldn’t recall the last time someone was so eager for him to get back to work and he felt just as eager to return and see them. He removed his hand and turned the phone on again, turning onto his back before beginning to reply.

 

_ Hi Dirk. I figured it was you after a minute. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone else capable of rambling so well. _

 

He paused, biting his lip and looking at the text. After everything Dirk had texted him, such a short message seemed… rude. He deleted it and started again.

 

_ I thought it might be but thanks for the second text to clarify. It would have been embarrassing if I’d started texting someone thinking it was you, but then it wasn’t. I did get sick unexpectedly yesterday, and you must be talking about Lydia. She’s the shop owner’s daughter and is a lot more hardy than she looks. She drives about as well as her age would suggest, honestly. Red lights are suggestions, stop signs are tips, and the speed limit is… nonexistent. It’s horrifying. I never want to drive with her again. You’re right, Farah is very lovely. Also very scary. Don’t make her angry. She says she’s not James Bond but I’m pretty sure she’s lying. I don’t know if I should be offended over that comment about me swearing at the roses or not. Maybe I won’t come in tomorrow just because I’ll be so sad thinking about it. Maybe I’ll have to quit my job and never come in again because I don’t want to insult roses anymore.  _

 

He sent that text and then quickly sent another.

 

_ I am feeling better though. And I do plan on coming in tomorrow. I’m sorry I missed you but I hope Farah or Lydia were able to help you out with whatever flowers you needed this time. _

 

Both texts were read almost instantly, and Todd grinned when he thought about Dirk reading the first one. Knowing him as well as he did (which wasn’t very well, seeing as he was only just finding out his last name), he knew how he reacted to things; he could easily picture Dirk throwing his phone at the wall in a panicked flail. The thought of it caused him to laugh, which then wound up in a cough. He pushed himself up off the bed with a groan, leaving his phone there. Dirk would probably take a bit longer to text him, and he needed water. It wasn’t as though his apartment was very big, either. He could spit the distance from his bed to his kitchen sink- something he’d done before just to see if he could. He wouldn’t be missing any texts from Dirk.

 

As he filled up his glass with water from the tap, he heard at least three dings coming from his phone. On the way back to the bed, he heard three more. By the time he had gotten situated comfortably against the wall, he'd heard four more text message alerts. “Jesus Christ, Dirk. Ten messages in two minutes?” he mumbled as he grabbed his phone.

 

_ Oahwiajwbaoapah _

 

_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  >:0 _

 

_ How dare u!!!! I am ur FRIEND. Ur CUSTOMER. Ur FRIESTOMER. CUSTOFRIEND. !!!!! _

 

_ I apologize for insulting ur insults against roses. If you quit ur job I will miss u :( _

 

_ And I'm glad ur feeling better!!!! _

 

_ Please don't get in that car with that girl again if u think I'll die!!! _

 

_ *U'll _

 

_ I would miss u if u died and I'd b v sad :(((((( _

 

_ Farah got me my flower today btw and she looked at me like I was weird but not like u look at me like I'm weird and I didn't like it :((( _

 

_ Y we're u sick??? Did u throw up??? _

 

_ *We're _

 

_ *We're _

 

_ *Were!!!! _

 

_ Don't tell me if u threw up I don't actually wanna know!!! _

 

_ U know if u ever need a ride again u can lmk I'd be glad to give you a ride!!! _

 

_ But not like sexually bc we don't know each other well enough for that u//////u _

 

Todd laughed. How was Dirk even a real person? He texted like those fictional teenagers. Still, he couldn't help but enjoy the conversation. Dirk was… funny. He was refreshing. Todd sat back to start replying to Dirk, a grin on his face. Thankfully nobody could see it.

 

\----

 

Despite his hopes and promise to Dirk, of Todd wasn't able to go into work the next day. He’d woken up in the middle of the night with a piece of a car’s fender embedded in his stomach, and though he had taken his pills, he’d still spent a good few hours vomiting due to how graphic the scene had been, and how real it had felt. He wound up in the midst of another attack in the wee hours of the morning, and barely managed to get down the pills necessary for that one. He knew that what he had witnessed during that attack would feature in his nightmares for the rest of his life. By the time the image had faded and he'd caught his breath, he’d needed to call Farah. She had rushed over as soon as she’d heard his sobs.

 

Farah wound up staying with him the entire day, leaving Lydia in charge of the store. Farah had quietly mentioned that Amanda had said she would come over to help out as well. There was a lilt to her voice and a tilt to her mouth hinting that Amanda’s offer hadn't been phrased in the nicest way. When Amanda called Farah at lunch time, after Farah had woken a sweaty and weak Todd up for sustenance, Todd could hear Amanda's angry voice alongside Farah's soft but firm insistences that he really was sick and not just faking it. In his weakened state, this led Todd into another sobbing episode and almost another attack, which was only halted by Farah slipping a tranq into his warm milk.

 

The next time he woke up, the sun was setting, and Farah was resting on his couch, phone in hand. The television was on quietly, playing some movie that she wasn't paying attention to. Todd could feel how salty and disgusting his face was from the sobbing and sweating earlier in the day. He must have made some noise because Farah's head jolted up. She made eye contact with him, a look of concern on her face before she relaxed when he didn’t scream or begin to cry.

 

“Good evening,” she murmured, standing and making her way over to him. When she set down the phone on his nightstand, it took Todd a moment to realize that it wasn’t her phone; it was his. “How are you feeling?” Farah asked as she brushed his hair away from his face.

 

“Like shit that got run over, set on fire, and then run over again by a monster truck, and then shat on again,” Todd rasped. Farah gently snorted and rolled her eyes.

 

“I suppose that's better than the afternoon answer,” she remarked. Todd made an inquisitive noise, but she just shook her head and took a seat on the edge of the bed. Todd closed his eyes when she began stroking his hair. “You were talking to Dirk quite a bit yesterday, weren't you?” Todd opened his eyes again and looked at her. “He blew your phone up. Almost literally. I guess when he got in and saw you weren't there, he panicked. Said something about you quitting your job, and he apologized for the comment about the roses and their families?”

 

Todd grinned and chuckled through a dry throat. “Yesterday,” he whispered, “he said… I swear at roses too much… and I was joking around and said maybe I'd quit. I told him… I told him I'd be there today.”

 

“Ah. Makes sense.” Farah lowered her hand slightly, rubbing over his forehead and down the bridge of his nose. “I called him back on your phone - sorry - and told him you'd had an unexpected worsening over the night. He actually… He asked if he could help, and it turns out he lives here in the Ridgely, too.”

 

Todd's eyes shot open and he jerked back.

 

“Farah, you didn't-”

 

She sighed.

 

“I didn’t. Not that I didn’t think about it, because I did, but I didn’t. But Todd- he’s your friend! You’ve even said so yourself! I’ve heard you, and I may or may not have read your text messages. I can’t believe you kept texting him with the way he doesn’t spell. And the multi-texts, holy shit,” Farah murmured, shaking her head. “In any case, Dirk is your friend, and he lives here. I don’t. I live with your sister. Your  _ sister _ , who sometimes answers my phone. What if you call me after an attack one day, and she answers, and you end up blurting it out to her? I don’t mind helping you, you know that, but early mornings after a hectic shift… It’s hard, Todd. And if you’ve got someone you trust here who can take care of you or bring you food if you need it… You don’t even have to tell him about the disease, you can just say that you get sick a lot, sometimes violently so.” she tried to reason.

 

Todd tilted his head and sighed. She was right. He didn’t like it, but she was right. When these kinds of attacks came on, the ones that left him weak for days afterwards, it was hard on her. When he got so sick that he couldn’t stand up, and she had to help take care of him, it was even worse. He didn’t know where Dirk worked, but there was a good chance he wouldn’t mind helping Todd if he needed it.

 

“All right. I’ll… I’ll tell him tomorrow,” Todd said. “When I go in to work.” 

 

“When you go in to…? Oh, right. Uh-huh. You’re not working a normal day. Lydia told Patrick about your attack, and he said that for the next four days, you’re working half days. Come in at ten, leave at three, which means I’m sending you home at two,” Farah informed him as she stood up. Although Todd hated having his hours cut, it would do him some good to rest and recuperate. Plus, Patrick always managed to find ways to help Todd make up lost hours. For a man as shrewd at business as he was, he was an incredibly good boss.

 

“All right. Fine,” he agreed. “Now, unless you’re planning on helping me shower, I need some privacy.”

 

Farah laughed and helped him to his feet. “Even if I’d never seen you naked before, I don’t think I’d take you up on that offer.” Todd grinned crookedly at her.

 

“Ouch.”

 

\----

 

Farah drove him to work the next day. This meant that Lydia had to open, but she was good at that, and mornings were normally slow. Now that the cooler weather was setting in and the weddings had mostly died down, hardly anyone came in until eleven. They still had a few weddings, a few homecomings, but for the most part it was easy, especially for a girl who had been working in the shop practically since she could walk. Lydia and Farah had been incredibly good teachers when Todd had first started, and he partially contributed his delayed honesty to his certainty that they could both kick his ass seven ways to Sunday, before doing it again just for good measure.

 

They both made sure Todd stayed in the back that day, keeping cool and hydrated and relaxed. They let him play whatever music he wanted, at a reasonable level, and checked on him every fifteen minutes like clockwork. He didn’t mind. It felt like family again. When lunchtime rolled around, leaving just him and Lydia to man the store, he didn’t even notice. Lydia had come back just a few minutes prior with a lunch for him that she’d made herself, and told him to stop filling orders and checking deliveries, and rest in the employee lounge. The lounge was in the back of the store, so once he was there, he hadn’t been expecting to see anyone until Lydia came by to inform him it was time to get back to work. Hearing his name while on his break was the last thing he was expecting.

 

“Todd?” a familiar voice called out. Todd jumped, nearly spilling his ginger ale.

 

“Dirk?” he called back, turning around on his chair. There was the sound of rushing footsteps, and then Dirk burst through the doors to the lounge.

 

“Todd! You’re here! You’re alive! You-! You look like shit, actually. Are you still sick?” Dirk started off excited, but when he saw Todd’s face, still paler than normal, his excitement died down. He walked closer to Todd with a look of concern on his face. Todd smiled a little, which seemed to reassure him.

 

“Not quite, no,” Todd said. “Getting over it. I thought the other day would be a one-off, but it was kinda like those twenty-four hour flus that hit you unexpectedly. Farah said that you were worried. I- I’m sorry about that. I wasn’t expecting to get sick again.” He went to stand. Dirk pushed him back down.

 

“No, no no no!” Dirk replied. “Don’t worry about it, Todd. I shouldn’t have panicked. I tend to overreact on some things, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.” He took a seat next to Todd, eyeing his lunch.

 

“Really? No, I hadn't. I thought your tendency to flail about wildly and scream when you were startled, scared, or excited was pretty normal,.” Todd teased. Dirk’s face twisted through a series of emotions before finally landing on grudging amusement.

 

“Listen to you!” Dirk exclaimed, bumping their shoulders together gently. “Here I am, prepared to see you on your deathbed, if only to spite me for speaking ill of how you treat your roses, and here you are, sassing me! Sorry for being concerned, I suppose!” He reached for one of Todd’s chips, and Todd slapped his hand away.

 

“Well, when you tell someone they look like shit, it generally isn’t taken as a positive thing, you know?” Todd told him primly. “Don't touch my chips.”

 

“I don’t know why not. Shit is great, really,” Dirk immediately said. “It can be used as a fertilizer for plants! And you work with plants, so you should really love shit. It can also be used as paint. I don’t recommend that, but I’m sure some people have done it. And shit can be used to build houses! I saw a documentary once about how families in some countries actually build their houses using cow shit!” Todd snorted, and then began to laugh. Dirk got quiet and looked pleased at what he had accomplished, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms. He waited for Todd to finish speaking and eat a bit before opening his mouth again. Of course, it was right then that Todd opened his mouth and began to speak as well.

 

“Farah told me that you-” Todd began.

 

“When I didn’t-” Dirk said at the same time.

 

Both of them paused, looked at each other, and then giggled.

 

“You go first,” Todd said.

 

“No, no, I already spoke, it’s your turn,” Dirk insisted. Todd rolled his eyes.

 

“If I go first, you’re just going to sit there and wiggle until you can speak, and you might not even hear anything I say. So, you speak first,” He replied, lifting one hand and waving it magnanimously. Dirk laughed and nodded, but then he looked a bit sheepish. His eyes were impossibly soft, the smile on his face fond as he began to speak. Todd looked away, as this certainly didn’t help the small blush staining his cheeks.

 

“You know, I... When I didn’t see you walk in front of the shop this morning, I was concerned. Farah said that you would be in, but I didn’t see you, so I was worried that you were sick again. And I- Todd? Todd, are you alright? You’ve stopped chewing.” Dirk leaned towards Todd, who was facing his meal while Dirk spoke. He forced himself to chew a bit more before swallowing the food, which was now tasting like lead.

 

_ Why was this just now occurring to him? What kind of blind fool was he? _

 

“Todd? Tell me you’re alright.You’re not getting sick again, are you?” Dirk questioned. Todd shook his head almost mechanically, and then tried again, smoother.

 

“No, no, I’m not getting sick again. I just- had a weird thought. Sorry, where did you say you worked?” he asked.

 

“Next door, in the tattoo parlor. My friend Amanda always goes for lunch around this time. She never schedules anyone in, so I come over here instead,” Dirk said slowly. If Todd weren’t having an internal crisis, he might have been amused that it was actually possible for Dirk to speak at this pace.

 

“You work… in the tattoo parlor,” Todd repeated. With Amanda. With  _ his sister _ . 

 

“Well, yes, of course. It would be a bit weird if I didn’t, wouldn’t it? With all the tattoos I have, and all.” Dirk was still speaking slowly, looking concerned. “Are you sure you’re alright? You look like you’ve seen an electric ghost rhino and aren’t sure how to process it. Oh, that would make for a good tattoo… What was it you wanted to say again? Should I call Farah? You look like you’re going to be sick. Was it something I said?”

 

Todd didn’t answer immediately. His mind was still reeling. He reminded himself to take deep breaths, and not to panic. If his stress levels got too high after bad attacks, he was more inclined to have another of the same intensity. But-

 

Dirk worked with Amanda. Dirk was friends with Amanda. It explained so much. Why he visited every day around the same time. Why it was almost always Todd who was in the front. He must not know who Todd was, or maybe Amanda hadn’t spoken about him. That seemed unlikely, though, so he reasoned it was more likely that Dirk just didn’t know his name- he wouldn’t put it past Amanda to only ever refer to him as “my asshole, lying brother” or something of the sort. It would make sense. But it did mean Todd couldn’t tell Dirk where he lived. He couldn’t tell Dirk who he really was. He couldn’t ever tell Dirk his last name, or let him find it out. If Dirk knew who Todd was, what he had  _ done _ , to Amanda and his family and  _ everyone _ , Dirk would hate him. Dirk would stop coming in every day. Todd wouldn’t get to see his ridiculous grin, or hear him ramble to the flowers about how they looked. He wouldn’t be able to swear at the roses with extra force just to hear Dirk laugh, or hand him over a rose with his own blood on it because Dirk ‘needed it for reference and inspiration, not to clone you’. If he was honest with Dirk, Dirk would think their entire relationship had been a lie.

 

And Todd. Todd was selfish. He couldn’t lose this. He couldn’t lose Dirk. He couldn’t lose this friendship, this closeness.

 

He couldn’t tell Dirk anything. 

 

“Todd?” he heard from far away. “Todd, answer me. Todd! Come on, Todd, please? Are you okay? I don’t want to have to get Lydia or Farah. Oh, please don’t make me call Farah, she might break my arm if I broke you, and I need that to work!” Dirk was still talking. The sandwich in Todd’s hands was squished to pieces, jam dripping over his fingers. He released his grip on it, and took a deep breath.

 

“Sorry! Sorry, Dirk!” he said, his voice higher-pitched than normal. “I just got lost in thought. I didn’t realize you worked so close by; I never saw where you came from, but that makes so much sense!” He was upbeat, unnaturally so, and it almost hurt. Glancing at Dirk from the corner of his eye, it was obvious that Dirk thought so as well, but didn’t want to say anything. Maybe he was worried that, if he did, Todd would go catatonic again. “No need to call back Farah or Lydia, I’m fine! Really.”

 

“Todd you’re- you’re whiter than me, and I’m a lily white Brit, remember?” Dirk tried, gently. Dirk Gently. Todd wanted to cry.

 

“I’m also getting over being sick, you dick. Don’t worry about it. What flower are you getting today?” Todd asked to distract him. Dirk frowned in concern.

 

“But didn’t you-?”

 

“It was nothing, Dirk,” Todd said, smiling. “Don’t worry about it.”

 

_ Liar, liar, liar! _

 

His brain was screaming, fingers twitching. 

 

_ Don’t go back to being that person, Todd, don’t do this! Just tell him the truth, it’s Dirk! Dirk wouldn’t hate you for a mistake you made in the past, you know that! _

 

Dirk looked worried, but started telling him about the flower that he was looking for. He talked about its color and size, and how someone was interested in a tattoo of it.

 

_ You’re a thief and a liar, Todd, and you’ll never be anything else! _

 

It made horrific sense that the accusing voice in his head sounded like Amanda, but that didn’t make it any less painful.

 

_ Stay away from me! I never want to see you again! _

 

Todd closed his eyes for a moment, begging forgiveness he didn't deserve from the imaginary voice of his sister.

 

_ I’m so sorry, Amanda. I can’t lose him too. _


End file.
